This is a tough question to answer because closure is a process that tends to be different for each person. Closure is the process of closing the book on all the pain – and maybe the people causing it – you have been going through and moving on from it. I have a question for all of you that are looking for closure. What is the verb you associate with closure: achieve or get/give? Let me explain the difference I see between them.

1 Achieving closure

By using the verb achieve, you see that this is more of an action you took. You healed in your way and on your own achieved the closure you needed/wanted. Yes, you might have the help of other people that support you, and maybe a therapist, in the process. But, unlike the option below, you face it yourself. The focus is more on your own perspective of what’s happened, the scars it left you, and how you can heal from them.

2 Getting/Giving closure

These verbs show the participation of another person, as in you need to confront the person who hurt you and they will give you the closure you need/want. Seeing both perspectives can be helpful and can help you find your closure while also ending the situation peacefully.

 

The verb you associate with closure doesn’t change the effectiveness of the process for your healing, it just changes the method. One thing that remains in your control when you go through something that hurts you is that you can choose how to heal from it. This post has the intention to show you that there is more than one way of achieving closure for what you have been through.

I do want to say though that your healing process should not depend on another person. Yes, sometimes it can be beneficial to get the other person’s perspective as you might have some misunderstandings about what you went through. However, if you are coming out of something toxic, reapproaching that person has the potential to do a lot more harm than good. Trust that you know what is best for you and your healing process when choosing your approach to finding your own closure. And if you need any help, leave us a comment or contact us – even anonymously – as we are more than happy to help.

by Bruna Gorresio