I have noticed a couple of times this pesky little tendency that us women have of being ashamed of how we feel or what we are going through. It could be because we know people have the tendency to judge, and we don’t want to be labeled hysterical or dramatic over something that is really troubling us, or because we are made that we are going feeling is weird and/or unnatural and thus we should be ashamed of it. There’s a lot of taboo surrounding toxic situations as well as women standing up for themselves. This post is about showing you four ways to help you to detach yourself from this unnecessary feeling of shame.

1 Realize the situation was out of your control

As much as we may like to think that we are in control of everything that goes on in our lives, we are not. Humans are rationally irrational, a fact that makes life both more interesting and more complicated. We have no control over what other people do and how they act towards us. To feel ashamed because of something someone did to us is outrageous. Of course, some situations can be avoided – for example, if you get slapped for calling your friend a bitch – though that does not excuse the behavior. Understanding that what happened was out of our control makes it easier to understand that shame isn’t the emotion you should feel, as there is quite literally no reason to feel ashamed of what you went through.

2 Understand people are going to talk

As unpleasant as it might be, people can’t help but have an opinion on other people’s lives. Some have the decency to keep their opinions to themselves, while others make their hurtful and idiotic comments around us. And as much as it sucks, there is absolutely nothing we can do about it. They might judge what we are going through because they don’t understand our pain, or because they just want to, who knows? What we need to understand is that it’s not because random people are talking crazy rude or made-up things about you that you should feel shame. A better emotion to feel would be frustration, if I’m being completely honest.

3 Find out who your inner circle is

This item relates to the one above. If you have your inner circle defined – the people you know you can trust with literally anything and not to judge you – it becomes easier to not feel ashamed by your past. You will be able to feel their empathy and support, instead of having negative energy and judgment surrounding you all the time. Your inner circle will help you heal and feel proud that you did so. It is incredibly uplifting knowing who your inner circle is and just how much they can help you grow and keep fighting.

4 Know that you are a survivor

There is a reason why I hate the use of the word “victim”. It has the power to make you feel small, shameful, weak, when none of that is actually true. If you are fighting like I hope you are to heal from what you have been through and be better, you are a survivor, a warrior. That’s something to feel extremely proud of. Yes, a little bit of the pain of what you went through might always stay with you, but you will only have the scars left to prove how strong you are and that you survived it. Own it! Don’t be ashamed of it!


It is important to remember that you shouldn’t be ashamed of what you are going through and that if anyone makes you feel like you should, they are not the best people to keep around. Once you are fully healed, you will hopefully feel proud of your healing process and yourself.

by Bruna Gorresio