Okay, so here comes the uncomfortable truth – and it does not take anything away from whatever you have gone through. People tend to repeat patterns of what they went through with other people. It sucks but that is the truth. Let’s say one of your grandparents was physically abusive to one of your parents, the odds of them repeating that pattern onto you – if they don’t heal from it – are unfortunately high. And again, that does nothing to make the situation any less painful.

This post is 100% not about justifying the actions of someone that hurt us – it is about realizing that our past affects our future actions – whether consciously or subconsciously. As much as someone might hate what they went through if they don’t heal properly from it, they might find themselves doing something similar to someone else in the future – maybe because that’s all they’ve ever known (again, not an excuse). And that’s not what we want.

So how can we break this pattern, or even prevent it from becoming one?

1 Recognize what was wrong about the situation

We are sometimes so caught up with trying to survive and understand the situation that we don’t actually recognize what exactly is wrong about it. Maybe it’s the coping/denial mechanism in us trying to protect us from knowing how bad things really are, but we do need to understand what was wrong about a situation before we can heal and prevent ourselves from repeating these actions in the future. I mean, if we think there is nothing wrong with what we went through, I highly doubt the pattern won’t repeat itself.

2 Heal from the experience

This is probably always the hardest – and longest – part to any single person. It hurts, it takes who knows how long and leaves scars behind. Long story short, it is a sucky process, but it does give you a light at the end of the tunnel. After you heal from the experience, you will be stronger and more knowledgeable than before.

If you need any help with the healing process, please read our past post about the topic.

3 Use it as a learning experience

Before anyone misinterprets me, I mean learn from it what NOT to do in certain situations. Even if what you learn can’t be applied to you, if you have kids, you can teach it to them in the future. We might as well utilize this horrid situation in order to create better people in this world that wouldn’t do such things. I honestly wish there was an easier way for us to learn these “what not to”, but I guess this is slightly better than not knowing.

If you have any story that you want to share with us, please feel free to share it in our comment section. We want this blog to serve as a community for whoever might need help healing, so we can help each other in this process. This is meant to be a safe space for all – you can even do it anonymously if you prefer.

by Bruna Gorresio